How strange

I remember the first day I drove alone. Coming up to the stop sign at the end of my street, I felt a strange mixture of excitement, fear, and respect.

Where has that respect gone?

Today, driving down 83, I saw an accident. A motorcyclist that had passed me ten minutes before, was 100 feet off the road, his motorcycle a twisted piece of metal, and he had ten people gathered around his too still body. Life can change so quickly. Is caution a virtue?

I have so much in my head right now, that I don't know what to write.

Driving, wandering down a dark road. It was about this time of night. I wonder what was going through his head as he turned here? As he drove down this stretch, as he passed this house. Did he have any idea? Any sense of what was to come? I'm glad that girl was at the intersection and held his hand. No one should die alone. I wonder if it hurt. I hurt.

Love and death. They have a lot of similarities. Love song lyrics get to me, these days. How strange.

It's a little strange that a man I love can't be touched, or hugged, or talked to. I find him in the most unexpected places. As I squeeze the soap through the porous sponge while doing dishes. When shaking the hand of a woman I don't know, our finger tips touch, and he is there. Strange reminders, strange emotions.

I can't feel bitter. I still see too much beauty. In all these friendships, all this love. So much beauty. The flowers. These feelings. I'm growing, becoming more beauty-filled myself. How can I be angry when I am filled with so much love, even if death waits on the doorstep...

I want to write something beautiful for him, and for me. I just need a little time.